Ponder
Why can’t I shake this feeling?
You tell me things are fine,
You tell me I’m perfect, but am I?
Am I really?
I can’t help, but know that I’m not,
My self reflection would never allow for an ego that big,
I would never allow for an ego that big,
I’m far from perfect,
But you don’t see the distance that I do,
Are you trying to convince yourself of this?
Or is your world simply rosier than mine?
I’m just left to ponder this feeling,
Is this all just in my head?
Is this gap between us real?
Maybe it's just a figment of my imagination,
Maybe I’m just lost in the overthinking,
I really hope that’s the case.
I remember a time not long ago,
This place where you couldn’t wait to text me,
Where I felt love ooze from every word you’d send,
It was my drug, and god damn am I hooked,
Now that the rain clouds loom over your bed,
That source has run dry,
But good god am I jonesin’ right now.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for a fix,
There is no alternative,
I want your drug, I want you to intoxicate me,
Open my mind to the endless possibilities,
Step out of the shadow, and be the silhouette at the end of my tunnel,
I would run to you every time baby,
I would run to you every time.
I told you that I’d move mountains for you,
I would change the world, or die trying for you,
My convictions are just,
My intentions pure,
Please let me move these mountains,
Let this beast of burden drag yours far, far away.
I could love you like you’ve never been loved before,
I know I could do it, but you have to let me,
I don’t think you will let me,
I think this distance will grow wider,
And you will continue to force yourself to shrink in my life,
You will continue to pull from me,
A tide to never touch this shore again.
The thought of that devastates me,
The sleepless nights can attest to that,
I’d place my hand over your body,
My holy text, I’d swear upon it,
To give myself to you, to give everything that I am,
I don’t think you’d take me though.
How much longer do I have here?
How much longer am I allowed to pretend you’re mine?
Cause these months have been short, but my feelings are long,
My love, the garden you’ve cultivated in my chest,
The hope I hold for a bright future,
A future where we overcome all before us,
I beg you don’t burn that to the ground,
I beg that you water these grounds.
I’m starting to think you won’t though,
But I won’t give up on this,
I won’t let this go,
I won’t go quietly,
I will fight for this, for us, for you,
I will show you what kind of love I have for you,
I will show you its purity.